It rained hard this afternoon, it’s cold and I am all alone just thinking of her. Her sweet voice, her touches of Zephyr and a warmth caress from her hugs and kisses that I used to receive from her daily. I miss her smile; the highlight of the day is when she said she loves me. I miss them…I badly misses them. Whenever I am at my downcast she was always there for me. She’ll enlighten up my mind so that I could see the dawn in my dims of thinking. She’ll hold me in her arms and she’ll try to ease the pain all away. And every Sunday, we go to our Jesus wherein we thank Him for keeping us together for giving me to her and for giving her to me. After the mass she’ll hold my hand and she’ll ask me to eat street foods outside of the church. And on the night, I remember…we sat down at the field and beneath the stars she promised that she’ll love me forever. Those words are memorable and those are just some of the sweetest moments when I had her.
As the promises were made, fire started to grow on to us. All through that night, I asked her to make love to me. At first she doesn’t want to do it but I didn’t let go and suddenly she did the same. As the night grows deeper the fire rises up to its hottest boiling point. That night was all about love. I haven’t seen her in weeks and seems like I really don’t want to see her anymore. After that night I’ve lost the urge of wanting her. It sounds odd but maybe because I am too young for serious relationships. But if I tell her that I don’t want her, she might get hurt and I don’t want that to happen. While thinking of that matter, on that nimbus afternoon somebody knocked at my door. I have a hint that it was her because she’s kind of obsess when it comes to our relationship and I know that she misses me a lot. I didn’t want to open it because my heart is pounding on every knock. “Daniel, Daniel” she kept on knocking
My foot guides me to the door but my hands were shivering. My mind told me not to open it but my heart will bleed if I didn’t. I didn’t open it and she kept on shouting my name and this time it is much louder and you’ll notice that she’s really begging for me to open it. “Daniel! Please! We need to talk there’s something you ought to know!!” I didn’t answer it at first but….”Get away Alpha!” I told her. But tears started to roll down on my cheek as I tried to push her away. I didn’t know what the hell is happening to me. She kept on asking me to open the door and I held on to my words and I kept on telling her to go away until… “Open the door Daniel! I took a pregnancy test this morning and I am bearing a child!” I was under the state of shock when I heard what she said. I quickly opened the door and I’ve seen in her face that she’s really scared about that thing. She’s only 16 and I’m 18 and I don’t know how that mystery happened. “You’re joking right?”
“No I’m not Daniel”
“It’s not mine! I know it’s not mine!”
I slam the door right in front of her then she knocked again; it is much louder this time. I heard her cry and asking me to talk about that matter. I got so scared that I had to call my mom from New York and ask her if I could go to New York with them as early as possible. She asked me why and I didn’t tell her about what I’ve done to Alpha. I told her that I want to continue my college there and luckily she allowed me to go with them on Wednesday. Alpha doesn’t know that I have plan on studying in New York, even if we’re still together I never opened this topic to her for she will oppose. I will go to New York for an escape that’ another purpose now. I immediately packed my stuff after that conversation. Alpha is still outside my home waiting for me. If you’ll see her you’ll felt pity for her. she was staying there for about 11 hours (I’m not sure) I wanted to talk to her but I thought of she’s bearing a child; I got scared.
So I called the security to let Alpha out in our subdivision. The security arrived and they forced Alpha to leave but she’s shouting at my name and asking for my help to stop the guards. She’s crying…oh god she’s crying! And since my heart can’t bear hearing her tears I opened the door and then she hugged me. “I know you won’t let them. Because I mean a lot to you” “I’m here to tell you that…you’re nothing to me” I told her that, but I’ll admit I don’t mean it “No Daniel! What have I done wrong? Don’t do this to me we’re having a child…I’m begging you Daniel” she bent down on her knees and I can’t manage to look at her. “Well, I don’t feel the same Alpha. I’m going to New York next week and even before I have planned on leaving you” I turned around and she didn’t say any word. “Get her out now!” I told the security
5 years have passed since we’ve parted and still the feeling for her is the same. I went back here in Manila to look for Alpha and I never let the day passes without wondering where is she now and our precious thing. I’m very eager to see her. I want to apologize for the past and start a new life again with her but I’m not sure if she still feels the same there are so many things that I am unsure of and I feel so cold as if there’s a snow here in Manila. When I finally arrived at her house, her neighbour told me that Alpha is not living there anymore and they don’t know if where she is now. I suddenly went over to Kim’s (Alpha’s closest friend) house to ask about Alpha. I never expected that I would be this shock to hear about Alpha…I was speech less on what had Kim said… “Where is Alpha now? How is she doing?” I asked her with an excitement “Alpha, what do you mean where is she now?” her reply “Yes, I’m looking for Alpha how is she?”
“You still don’t know don’t you?”
“Don’t know about what? Is there something I ought to know Kim?” I can’t understand that nervousness on our conversation with Kim. My heart is beating so fast and my hands were shaking. I feel so nervous at that moment as if something’s went wrong. “since you’ve parted, Alpha is not the same girl anymore. She often cries, she never eats and she’s not hanging out with us no more. An account told me that she suffers from depression that causes the abortion of her child. If you only knew Daniel, I saw there when she suffers on a great depression” Kim said “so…where is she now?” I asked.
“Are you dumb? That abortion causes her to hang herself on the celling! She died Daniel! Alpha isdead! She went out on her mind” I broke down…And I didn’t notice the tears when I heard what had Kim told me, I felt like half of me died. I never stopped crying from day to night there’s no one to blame for her death except me. If only I didn’t force her to make love with me, if only I didn’t leave her alone, if only I’ve been man enough to her and if only I stand on what I have done to her and to our child. If only those things can be go back then, I’ll do it for Alpha for her to live again. I felt like all the eyes are on me whenever I walked down the street. They’re blaming me and I think they’re talking about what I did to Alpha they see me as her murderer.
I am disgusted with myself…I hate myself! If they only knew, she’s the only girl that I loved and now I do believe that without her I am nothing. I could never find another girl like Alpha. Even if I cross another world just to see her then, I’ll do that for Alpha. I love her with all of me. Too late now to tell her how much I love her I wish I told her this before. I should’ve had let her go. Alpha passed away but her soul will remain forever with me. She’ll always own my heart and no one will unlock this except for her. I am the loneliest man living and I don’t know how long will I survive. I am still breathing but I feel lifeless each passing day. Till death I’ll blame myself, till death I’ll have these regrets, till death I’ll love her and till death…she owns my life.