This is my homework assignment from my Therapist. My next appointment is on Friday. I’ve been thinking a lot about it since he gave me the homework. Which is probabally exactly what he wants me to do. It also makes for a good blog post.
Having my own family is the most important thing to me. My ideal family would be very similar to the one I grew up in. Mom and Dad were married and never argued. I never knew about any kind of financial problems they might be having or any problems between my Mom and Dad. We lived in the same house and I went to the same schools until I was 15, when my Dad’s job got transferred to San Bernardino. I had a very secure and stable home environment.
This is the kind of life I want for my kids and myself. Unfortunately, I made a wrong choice for my “life partner” and never got to have that for my kids or myself. Not that I would take back the last 10 years for anything in the world, because I two very beautiful children out of it. But I didn’t choose someone who was stable.
I think this is one of the reasons why I was so attracted to Jerry. He’s lived in his house for 8 years. He OWNED his house. I’ve rented the entire time I was with Joel, so it was nice to have someone in my life that actually owned a home.
So anyways, back on the subject. I already have the kids; I just need a man to complete my family. At this point, I’m not sure if I want any more kids. I think if I loved him enough and he really wanted a child, and we were married and it felt right, I would be willing to have another kid with him since I love being a mom so much.
My ideal guy would have a career. It wouldn’t matter what he does as long as he made enough for us to live off of, along with my earnings. He would be attractive, a hard worker, caring, giving, affectionate, fun, spontaneous, and love me and my kids unconditionally. He would have to learn how to deal with me without fighting with me, for I can be very emotional and tend to over react. He would also listen to me and value my opinions. If we have a difference of opinion, he would listen to my point but also give me his without getting mad at me (or me getting mad at him, which I really need to work on) for having a difference of opinion. My guy would come home to me every night, that is, unless there was a very important reason why he couldn’t. He would help me with the household chores such as cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.
This “Ideal” man would complete my family. We would live in a nice house, the kids would have their own bedrooms. We would do all kinds of fun things as a family, but me and my man would also have our alone time to grow as a couple. We would be supportive and encouraging of each other’s dreams.
I think I have a lot to offer my significant other. I have all the qualities that I’ve listed above with the exception of the stability. But for now,I’m going to save my money so I can buy a home for me and my kids to live in. Weather it be a mobile home or a house, I want to own the next place we live in. That’s a dream of mine that I’d like to come true. But I know it won’t come without self-discipline and a lot of hard work.
Jerry posses about 97% of the qualities listed above. The 3% that doesn’t work for us is the fighting. I think my biggest flaw is my temper. I don’t know how to argue without getting really upset and wanting to leave the scene. I would push Jerry away when all he wanted to do is love me and hold me when we were arguing. I get so angry I just want to withdraw and run and cry. This is something I need to work on more than anything if I’m ever going to have a healthy relationship with anybody. I don’t treat my kids or my family this way, only my partner. Why is that? Why do I have to get so upset with that person to where I don’t want to be around him, even when he’s trying to calm the situation? I lose all rational thought and I have so much anger inside me, I just blow up. I didn’t learn this from my parents because they never fought. I guess this is why I need therapy.