Dear unfortunate reader, it appears that god has chosen you to undergo a lot of suffering today. Here is a story… a story about whom you ask? Words cannot begin to depict the thing… the immense strangeness that is ARPAN. I am awfully sorry that you have to read this, but I must because I am the chosen one!! The one who will bring balance, yes!! So I beg you to be courageous, valiant and confident as I have been these past few days, and bear witness to ‘THE STORY OF ARPAN, ARPAN SALVANI’. The person who always finds herself lost in thought – it’s an unfamiliar territory that man was not meant to cross.
It has… I mean she has a spacious variety of characteristics ranging from, being amusing, to livid and mean. For the sake of the reader I shall not explain to you what the exterior form of this being is, so I shall focus on what the enlightened individuals of this small world have tried to achieve and observe the inner beauty of Arpan. She really isn’t the same from the inside you see. To discover and comprehend the true Arpan you have to *shudder* go deep inside her. The vegetable that would best describe and embody this perfectly normal human being (sure…) would be a potato. Well why a potato you might say. This is because a potato has a rough, thin layer on the outside, which is easy to peel off and also because it is dirty on the outside and clean from the inside. So, in my opinion, the way this could relate to Arpan is that she can be a very mean and unkind person on the outside, hey nobody is perfect. But that is only the thin layer on the top, so I think and… hope that the inside is quite the opposite. It’s like the removing of the outer shell of a spoiled egg and revealing the juicy whiteness that is… yolk. In other words, on the inside she is very friendly and has a heart of an innocent 13-year old (probably keeps it in a jar somewhere).
Something which plays a very important role in her life is a McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger, just kidding. It’s actually friendship. She loves hanging out with her friends (yes! She does have them!) and has the ability to make people… laugh. So the color which would best signify her is pink, because it’s bright and friendly and the brand Nike because it is liked by every one (not really). From what I have learned in the past few days (I do not want to talk about those terrorizing moments but I will anyway since this essay is all about Arpan and her life) is that she can be a very colorful, cheerful and talkative person. Thus the animal parrot would best describe her.
As far as my knowledge goes about Arpan (which is not very far) I would say that this person has absolutely no straight edges and likes to be balanced in the different aspects of life. What the heck is this guy talking about is what you are probably thinking right now. But what I mean is that she isn’t perfect at anything, well I know that nobody is perfect at anything but I haven’t finished making my point yet, she doesn’t do anything to the extreme and is balanced. For example she isn’t the strangest person in the world but she is strange. She isn’t the world’s most humorous and interesting person but she is a bit. So, I think you should know what I mean by now. If you still don’t get what I’m trying to say then please put this piece of paper down because they are a lot of things yet to come which you will fail to understand.
Now comes the part where I stop relating fruits, animals and vegetables with Arpan and start talking about her more absorbing and interesting side, or non-interesting side, you decide.
If Salvani, Arpan could have any job in this world she would be a worm farmer… yes I’m being funny again. She would actually be a journalist (how exciting and thrilling!!) This is because she likes to write, observe and inquire about people and their lives. These can be the only possible reasons that I can think of. For more details on why would she want to be a journalist, please email [email protected] (Quite an ironic email address don’t you think?)
In my opinion, Arpan can be quite greedy and mean at times because if she found a $1,000,000 lying on the street she would keep them all and spend them slowly bit by bit. That could perhaps mean that she desires wealth and would like to have a life full of luxuries with people obeying her every command (I really wouldn’t like to be one of those people). The above told you why she can be greedy now I’ll tell you a bit about why I think she can be mean. Well, if someone were to hit her intentionally she would hit him or her back. Now on the other hand, if someone did that to me, I would first ask him or her why they did that and then hit them back ignoring the answer. Wait… this essay is about Arpan and not me, sorry I got carried away. Well, so as I was saying Arpan is the kind of person who would take revenge if someone was to do something bad to her. This is why I think she is a bit mean. But hey, almost everyone in this world loves revenge, even me!
As I might have mentioned above somewhere that she is a very friendly person. Wait… there’s more! Not only is she quite friendly but also rather lively and energetic. She loves all of her friends and trusts them, and is also very loyal to them. She spends most of her time chatting online, should her friends ask her to hang out with them on a Sunday night even when Arpan has homework due the next day, she would say yes! This could mean that she gets caved in to peer pressure easily.
She loves her hometown, which is in an Aztec ruin somewhere near Egypt. Ha! Tricked you. It’s actually India. If a genie were to grant her one wish (no not three, just one) or if she was to have a free plane to ticket to go anywhere she wants she would go back to India and stay there forever. What this tells us about Arpan is that she loves her family and does not want to separate from them forever. Furthermore, this could also mean that she has trouble fitting in with a new environment, a new school and new people (Why am I not surprised?… joking).
In conclusion, Arpan has two sides to herself. One is the mean, rude and unfriendly side or what you might call the ‘evil’ side, while the other is a kind-hearted friendly and lively side. She loves friends, who play the most important part in her life. She shows her true colors when she needs to. She is balanced in most aspects of life. Is sensitive and has a fast-paced lifestyle… all right I’m just starting to talk rubbish now.
Oh my God! I thought this time would never come. I have reached the end of one of the weirdest essays I have ever written. After finishing this essay I will never look at an Arpan the same way again. I usually never forget a person, but in this case I’ll make an exception. Arpan is good at everything she does and as far as I can see, she usually does nothing, (I’m only joking like I have been doing throughout the whole essay). After reading this queer piece of work you are probably as confused as Adam on mother’s day.
May you have a long life, unless of course your name is Arpan, okay that was my last joke. All the insulting and mean things I might have said above are purely for the sake of making this essay interesting and funny. One last thing… I find this essay as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. You have the authority to do whatever you want with it.