I left my 3 year relationship (with someone whom being in a relationship with is against the views of the judgmental society) because I want to bring back the old self where my parents would be proud of. I also dont want my friends to get rid of me because I am not the person they thought me to be. Things were going smooth and I was already in the pace of going back to my old self. i got the chance to be with someone and spend my everday with her. That time I do not want to be in the face of falling for someone I am never certain of being with together in the long run, and by that I would always do my best to show her how much she meant to me, at the same time I was also in the pace of telling myself that what I an doing is not right. I also had the time and chance to move on because I was sent to a place where I could forget everything way back home.
But through that “moving on” stage, someone came into the picture and made it more colorful. Someone who made me realize that being “me” is just fine. That being “someone unusual” to the judgmental society is being original and not fake. Everyday spent with this person made me realize that i should be true not only to the society but also to myself. And everyday with that person makes me love her even more. That even though i knew she has a relationship with someone way back home, I would take all the risk just to show her how happy I am to have met her. I knew that 3 months was short enough to conclude that I have fallen deeply in love with her, but to fall for her is the longest 3 month happiness I’ve felt.
And now that weve gone separate ways, I would always be grateful for I have met her and that I have already given the promise I made to her: that is to come out of the closet and tell (maybe, not everyone) but my friends that I am gay. And I am so certain that these people, whatever happens, whoever I am and will be, will always be there for me. My second family. Now, to come out of the public takes all the guts and courage of every cell of me but I will try my best. Whether society will leave me or not, I will not care anymore. The people I need the most will always be there for me, and thats whats most important.