I Can Do it in My Sleep – Ellen Degeneres Essay Sample

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Have y’all heard about the people who eat in their sleep? Have you heard? Have you? I read an article – that’s right I read – I read an article about people who eat while they’re still asleep. They’re called sleep eaters. They’re like sleep walkers but much hungrier. They must be sleep walkers as well because they have to walk to get to the food, right? So they’re sleep walker eaters… or sleep eater walkers. I just read they’re sleep eaters. But they must be sleep walker eaters err sleep eater walkers. They eat in their sleep. SO it is fascinating to me because people get up in the middle of the night to go to the kitchen and prepare full meals – and no memory of it the next day at all. I’ve always referred to that kind of behavior as the 70s. A lot of the sleep eaters they don’t just eat food they eat all sorts of things.

Like all kinds of things they don’t realize they’re doing it until they find crumbs in their bed. And if they want to know what they ate they have to piece it back together – they have to follow the bread crumbs and retrace their steps. “oh well it looks like there’s a little bread, water, aluminum – I ATE MY FIRST AID KIT” Other people don’t realize they’re sleep eating until they gain weight. There was this one woman – I read that she gained 7 pounds and had no idea. Can you imagine waking up one day full of pudding? Just asking your friend “hey did we go on a 10 day cruise last night?” I can’t imagine being able to make food and eat it, prepare it. Without having a memory? You’d have to be a deep sleeper for that. I’m a light sleeper. I wake up when my neighbor sneezes. Even on nights I don’t wake up on their front porch.

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