Three years ago I also met one foreign guy, a turkish one. We started making up, spending lots of time together: going to cinema, cafe etc. Soon he got to know where my University is placed and came there everyday to meet me after his studies . Everything was awesome and great until summer came – he went to his home country, and I – to my summer work in children camp. Anyway, we always chatted by Facebook if there was a possibility, but he wrote me more often then I did.
After some time passed, he came back and made me a proposal but the problem was that my parents were strictly against it and, actually, against him at all, and they forbidden me even to see him. I couldn’t not to obey and broke up with him, even though I really didn’t want to. During several weeks he was trying to make up with me but after the New Year Eve he gave up and went away to Turkey without saying anything. This time without him was incredibly hard and harmful for me. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t study – all my life turned to an absolute chaos! In summer, on the last day of session, he came back for me, told me that he can’t continue living without me. In that moment I didn’t think about anything at all and left with him, the last thing I wanted was to lose him again + this thought was unbearable.
Just after arriving to the airport we went to his sister’s place, his mom also has been there that time. We greeted each other, and when I wanted to hug his mom, she extended her hand and hit me on my lips , then in my forehead. Frankly speaking, I was slightly shocked, but later he explained me that this is just their custom. But the impact was so hard! Afterwards, everybody started examining me – my hair, my skin, my eyes, my way of speaking (that time I knew just some words, so my husband was a translator).
Four days later we went to his place, and, you know, everything was just amazing: the person who I love, the sea, the sun, absolute happiness!
In the end of August I came back home to graduate from the University. We corresponded, everyday but what about phone calls – this time, now I realize it, I called him much more often than he did. Not like last time. In the New Year time he came to my place and we came back to Turkey together. First days everything was quite good, we got married but the exact wedding was postponed for the summer. Subsequently, he stopped communicating with me in any way – after his work he came home, spoke to his friend by phone, watched TV and stuff like this. I was looking for a reason in myself, but the thing was that I did everything he asked me: I cooked, cleaned the house, studied Turkish, always was around him. Moreover, after like two months he started skipping dinners with me, and we even didn’t go to bed together. I couldn’t understand what was going on. But it was just a beginning.
I had to go home for a some time to defend a thesis. But I didn’t know if it is necessary for me to come back here. So, I asked: “Do I need to come back after or not? What our problem is?”. He told me that everything was because of his work and now it is alright and I don’t need to worry, he even apologized. I defended, passed all the exams but he asked me not to hurry up coming back to him, since he had some kind of problems and some other silly kind of stuff. I understood: something has gone wrong and I came back, but already on the second day after I got there, his mom came to visit us. In the mornings we had breakfast, he went to the office, and she locked in the living room, watched TV, didn’t speak to me.
In the evenings after the dinner, they always went away from me and spoke God-knows-about-what, but after these conversations he perennially could find a motive to quarrel with me. Later, I heard her telling him to marry me, take the money and ask for a divorсe. And the most disgusting thing was that he defended his mom in every case, while I was on the last place in a list of whom he could have defended. Together they decided to change the inside of my wardrobe because they didn’t like the way I dressed, also they considered that I don’t know how to behave properly, that I’ m a disgrace to them and that they are ashamed of me. Incredible! I should have done everything they wanted, and nobody cared what did I want or like.
The day before our wedding he strongly beat me, because I didn’t want to paint my hands with henna which I’m allergic on and later, because I set my own conditions in our marriage: 1) One time a year I am allowed to come back home to see my mom 2) He is not allowed to beat me
3) He shouldn’t decide anything related to our family on his own without me 4) I am allowed to dress as I want
After the wedding we came back home and everything became even worse: I didn’t leave home during 2-3 weeks, I just looked into the window and that is all, he started beating me without any reason… Moreover, his mom has taken all the money that we were given as the wedding present (the most part of it) and she even wanted to take the gold but my husband, thank Godness!, didn’t let her. This way we had scandals one after the other, fight after fight.
One more interesting story happened this summer. I fell ill. I had a fever, couldn’t keep myself standing on my feet, felt dizzy, felt like a walking dead for two weeks. All this time I spent in bed and he didn’t speak to me, as if I wasn’t even there. He didn’t give me any medicine, nor some food. When he finally understood that something really serious is tormenting me – he brought me to the hospital. Meanwhile, my heart and the whole hurt so freaking much! After the medical examination I couldn’t move at all, I hardly got into the car where I was beaten by my husband again. This time the reason was that I have shown the doctor what and where does it hurt and have shown him my naked legs and other parts of my body.
At home this nightmare didn’t finish. He told me that I don’t deserve food, so far as I’m not working, also it was forbidden for me to touch the laptop, the TV and the fridge. Moreover, now I was supposed to sleep on the coach in the living room, since this time our bed is not for me. My clothes still weren’t left alone, he still didn’t like them, so he decided to struggle with me by cutting it all over with scissors . As for me, I still don’t understand what was wrong, usually I dress very decently, I wear nothing what can attract somebody’s attention or make somebody to put an eye on me…
Anyway, to “deserve” food and other facilities I found a job as a primary school teacher for $400 per month. He approved this decision, but every month I should have given him $200 from the whole salary. But what happened next, he just took away all my salary for September, and for this month I had the last $200 left, which he also took away without any questions yesterday – told me that he just need my salary for October, the whole salary! But I wanted to buy a new jacket for autumn, it’s getting so much colder in the mornings. And the last thing that came to my mind was to start laying up for the ticket to Moscow. I want to escape as soon as possible.
I can’t stop asking myself : “Where has his love gone?” “Why doesn’t he ask me for a divorсe?” I am in need of some advices, girls. What am I supposed to do now? I’m just 23 years old, probably I should start a new life? But I’m so afraid of thinking about the divorce, but I can’t see any other way out. I’ll be incredibly glad to receive letters from the ones of you who is living here in Turkey or understand something in such situations!