Wondering why he always follows me wherever I go. He is like shadow, never left me even a minute. He goes wherever I go. I always wonder if he will ever leave me.
I still remember vividly, the first time I saw him. It was a cold summer night, the wind is blowing hard that the curtain in my window dropped. I thought somebody was out there. I was afraid, I got cold feet thinking that there is somebody out there, a bad guy maybe, just like the once that we usually see in the movies. I was stunned to see a little boy I wasn’t able to move and talk it was as if my tongue was cut upon seeing him. He was as tall as me and he has a very queer appearance. He has these an almond shaped brown eyes and his body is covered with hair, he has long nails inn his four small fingers. I move back, I was thinking of running and calling my mom for help because I was afraid that he might hurt me. But I don’t know I can’t do it.
The he talk, he has a small coarse voice. He greeted me and smiled. I was relief upon seeing that gesture coming from him. I think I am the one who gave him his name. I named him Max. From then on, we were never separated; he goes wherever I go. He was there to support me in everything I do; he helped me to be strong. I still remember one time when a classmate bullied me, he helped me…. he make me strong by giving me encouraging words. He said that I can get even with the big boy. I just have to be brave. I listen to him and I get even with the bully when I got the perfect timing to do so. We were both happy with that little achievement we’ve accomplished. From then on, we are together in all my fights, we’ve experienced and experiment things together. I notice that as I grow he also grow, thou I observe that as years passes by he becomes more uglier and uglier and he becomes more uglier everytime we do something bad. He now has long sharp thorns, a long tail and a much more bigly voice.
We were happy together; we are having fun in everything we do, even if its wrong, we both don’t care. Actually he was the one encouraging me to do those nasty stuff.
I just woke up one day, I was in a big white room with small window on the left and there was a mirror hanging right beside it. I was lying in a single bed in the corner. I was alone. For the first time in so many long years I was alone. I don’t see Max around. I am not used of not seeing Max. I stand up and walk right to the mirror. I was surprised to saw Max in the mirror. How come he is there? That is the time I realize, Max was a part of me…Max was within me…Max was me. He was an imaginary monster friend whom I have created long time ago…a monster that got out of control… a rebellious one…an insecure one.
He was me….that is why I am seeing him now…his ugly face is a reflection of whom I become now. The uglier he becomes the worst I become. And it is true I am worst…worst than ever. That is why I am here right now in this white room, because I must be healed. The monster in me must be killed….must be banished. He has caused so much trouble in my life. I have wasted so many years of my life listening to him. I got to get rid of him now. But how I can not see him anymore…anywhere in this room except in that mirror. How can I get rid of him if he is there. Will breaking the glass mirror into pieces will solve the problem and kill that monster. But that monster is me now, how did it happen. How can I get rid of him if I see his reflection looking like me and me looking like him.
He was my ego, he exist to support and work for what my subconscious mind wants me to do. He is a representation of my hidden dreams and fantasies that came in to life and live along with me. he exist to support and work for what my subconscious mind wants me to do. He is a representation of my hidden dreams and fantasies that came in to life and live along with me.
Realizing what the monster within me has brought to my life. I am very eager to change. Maybe…just maybe turning to God’s refuge can help me in getting rid of that monster and with the support of family and friends can make it easier for me to recover from this craziness I have created. . Believing in Him can be the right answer for all of these mind boggling things. I can now say goodbye to Max.–the monster that is in me.